Friendship and participation (?)

This is definitely not one of my usual posts… I just needed to vent a bit, you know…

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This is weird.

I started out this blog to push myself to participate further in life, and I have tried. But I don’t know… maybe I am not meant to have nice friendships or a social life. I have never had a healthy friendship. I don’t seem to know how.

Friendship has always seemed this foreign concept for me. No one has ever felt that burning compulsion to tell me anything about their life. (Apart from family). I have felt it, with several people, but they always seem to find someone better. Someone smarter, funnier, and with better possibilities, I guess. I guess what I’m trying to say is that… Wasn’t college meant to be better?

I mean, I am definitely not alone in life. I have friends, but no one considers me their best friend, and that has been something that has hurt me for a while now. I know I should get over that soon, but I can’t. Not while I have Facebook, or see their Instagram pictures of things they do while I am not there.
I am a natural sciences student, and I know that requires time but even my classmates (and former friends) find out ways to interact with each other. *shrugs* I wish I was a part of that.

Social Life.

If by some chance you follow me on Twitter, you might have seen my mini-rant about someone from my family telling me I do not have a social life. I say social life is a very relative term.

Maybe she doesn’t know that I have dear friends in college. Maybe she doesn’t know that they are going through the same experiences I am. Maybe she just doesn’t know that the words “social life” are quite a sore topic for me.

Some years ago, I went through a really rough time where I truly believed I had no friends outside my family. No one actually cared, or so I thought. When I got mature enough, I realized that the fact that I’m different doesn’t mean I have to be friendless. That’s where high school and college went in. Maybe I had more of a responsibility, but I met people like me.

My family member likes a certainly different environment. My family is really big and they reunite once in a while. I just don’t have enough time, and they seem to think it’s my choice. Maybe it is, though. Maybe I’m deciding to fight for myself. Life is more than partying. It’s about fighting for your dreams and actually having fun while you are doing it, with people you love around you.

No matter how many classes I take or reunions I miss, I will always have a group of people I will call my friends and family. Isn’t that the true meaning of a social life?