Friendship and participation (?)

This is definitely not one of my usual posts… I just needed to vent a bit, you know…


This is weird.

I started out this blog to push myself to participate further in life, and I have tried. But I don’t know… maybe I am not meant to have nice friendships or a social life. I have never had a healthy friendship. I don’t seem to know how.

Friendship has always seemed this foreign concept for me. No one has ever felt that burning compulsion to tell me anything about their life. (Apart from family). I have felt it, with several people, but they always seem to find someone better. Someone smarter, funnier, and with better possibilities, I guess. I guess what I’m trying to say is that… Wasn’t college meant to be better?

I mean, I am definitely not alone in life. I have friends, but no one considers me their best friend, and that has been something that has hurt me for a while now. I know I should get over that soon, but I can’t. Not while I have Facebook, or see their Instagram pictures of things they do while I am not there.
I am a natural sciences student, and I know that requires time but even my classmates (and former friends) find out ways to interact with each other. *shrugs* I wish I was a part of that.

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8 thoughts on “Friendship and participation (?)

  1. Hey, things like that kind of shake out over time. If you currently aren’t someone’s best friend, just be a really good friend in general.

    I know that’s kind of pat advice (BECAUSE MY NAME IS PAT!) but it has that time-tested type of truthiness.

    Also, and this is also crappy sounding, the people you perceive as being effortlessly social might feel disconnected to.

    Good luck, and I applaud you for talking about this. It’s much better than brooding quietly…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve been through this. Sometimes it doesn’t bug me because I tend to be a loner by nature, but other times it hits me hard. Part of my problem, I think, is that I’m what one of my friends refers to as a “closed book.” I don’t open up and I think it prevents me from developing close bonds with people. The only times I’ve developed a close relationship with people, were with people I learned to be more open. For me, though, I rarely find people I trust enough to be on that level with. One of my few close friends was from theater. When you do theater, you’re forced to work with people for several hours a day and since it’s art, people tend to open up more and feel safe being vulnerable in that space. Perhaps you need that space where you feel safe enough to open up?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey there. I had the same problem. In fact, I almost made myself sick because of that. I had those classmates and stuff, but no one that I felt really close. I am in my third year, and I still don’t have that.
    I do have two best friends, but those are the ones I befriended when I was 7, so they are more like family, and we don’t even hang out much even though they are easily the first people I would tell any of my secrets. In fact, we are at the same university with one of them, and still we don’t see each other. She has other friends, and she is an architecture student, so she is either really busy with one of her projects, or hanging around with her friends from the same department.
    We meet about 2 or 3 times a year, and that’s it. Other than that, there are occasional snapchat convos, and these two meet without me at times. But again, they are like family.

    So, what happens then? I realised that, maybe I am not supposed to fit in. You gotta accept yourself as you are. You are ~that~ person, the one that feels most comfortable with herself, and I am too, and I accepted that -there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I go to classes, and sit by this one person I see only at classes, and ask about stuff when I’m absent. All the talk we do happens in 10 minutes long two breaks, and even that doesn’t happen sometimes. I don’t even have my lunch at campus, because I have a heavenly schedule that is 9.40-12.30 every day of the week (more or less), so I come straight to home where I have lunch by myself, watch my shows, read stuff and workout. Also, to be honest, I don’t really want to hang around wasting my time. Socialising sometimes feels like a waste of time.
    Apparently I even wrote about this on tumblr:

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is nice to know there are people that are kind of going through what I am right now. I guess being lonely is not out of the ordinary 😛
      Ooh, my schedule is something like that next semester!
      Thanks for sharing this with me! ❤

      Like

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