2016, a year for the books, right? I’ve been thinking a lot about what to write… and now that we’re two hours away from saying goodbye (here in Puerto Rico, as I’m writing this), I guess it’s time to think about what happened to me during this… eventful year. Shall we?
This will be sort of a numbered post since I don’t have much time… 😀
First sleepover: Some of you will roll your eyes to the back of your head with this… but this was a milestone for me. Being invited let alone the fact that I was allowed to go? That was huge for me. That was one of the best nights of my life. I’m so glad it happened.
PCAT: I took it. I survived. And I’m currently waiting after I submitted an application to a pharmacy school. Is this scary or what? That was also the time of my second sleepover. Will there be a time where I stop counting them?
Time to get my GPA up! And it did. It totally did and now I’m finally competitive enough for at least a chance. I’m so happy… even though might not be enough, I’m still up for a fight.
Turning 21: It was not as exciting as how many people experience. Probably because I don’t drink? But it was still a milestone. And what made it a happy day for me was that my friends actually remembered and made it special.
And as for the sad part, more death in my family. I still have no clue why this all keeps happening… but it did. Again. And the distance between my extended family and I feels kind of unsurmountable right now. Let’s hope for new beginnings next year?
(NOT) finishing my goal amount of books? I accepted some months ago that I wouldn’t make it this year. These past semesters were kind of brutal… I am lucky I could finish SOME books… I’m hoping this perpetual slump could end ANY minute now…
Becoming obsessed with k-Dramas. It was bound to happen. *shrugs* I can’t imagine myself without them now.
Speaking of obsessions…
I wanted to say something else, too, before the year ends. I missed lots of things, things I could have blogged about… and I did not. I could say I did my best for my blog, but I didn’t. I am not going to promise to post more. It would be pointless… But I’m still going to try. I deserve it, and you deserve it too. 2017 is so important, you see. I FINALLY graduate during next year! And whatever happens… I want to share this next stage with you all. Like I said, I’m going to try. Let’s see how it goes.
It’s been a while, WordPress. I’ll refrain from apologizing… maybe read my last post (if you are wondering why) 🙂
Still, I did not post during certain important days and that’s kinda sad. Last semester was full of work… I did tell you that I was taking an unusually big amount of classes -BUT I SURVIVED!
Let the catching up begin!
I still haven’t quite recovered… although my grades were something else! (I mean… for a semester when so much happened to me) I still have no clue as to how that was possible, but I’m thankful. I’m so, so thankful. I also missed posting on my birthday (my 21st birthday…) which I spent at uni taking classes… and since my brother was sick, I couldn’t do much but eat pizza that night. (Needless to say, pizza was more than enough for me)
But it was definitely okay… my friends were there and they did not forget and it was a really nice day. I had a happy birthday… even when I had to take biochemistry.
Apart from my birthday, though, November was FULL. OF. WORK. Like… I did not think it would all end, until it somehow did.
In the spirit of wrapping up this semester (and forgetting that it ever happened). (yeah, right), a class by class round up:
Biochemistry- taking it was… interesting. Basically full of self-study… since… well… I didn’t understand anything while taking it. 😀 My professor gave me a letter of reference, though, which was definitely awesome. 🙂 (Also full of memes and gifs my friends and I sent to each other while taking it xD)
Statistics- This gif will suffice. There was no time for this and I studied the day before for all my tests.
My professor was sick and he was absent basically all semester so he only sent us two projects. Life.
Life cycle seminar: “The professor you chose will not give you your class! The hardest one will!” “Let’s get all into groups to talk about how our cousins and aunts and parents somehow relate to the topic that we’re covering!” “Let’s do a portfolio about health service centers that’s worth 45% of your class grade!” “Let’s not forget about sending your professor your project at the wrong email and finding out an hour later!” Don’t ask me how, but it all worked out in the end. I still don’t know what happened.
Conversational English- Incredibly… It was my favorite class this semester. I was so worried about the presentations and the dialogues and I was regretting choosing it from day 1, until I met my professor and my group. It was our safe space this semester… no judgement, and everyone was so kind to one another! If I could take it again I would in a heartbeat. 🙂
Developmental Psychology-If I could choose one gif to describe this experience, it would be this one:
I was so confident I would get an A at first… and then the second and third exams happened. xD I spent hours working on that final project, and it all somehow worked out in the end. *basically cries with relief*
Aaaaaand, the round-up is over! Which means where back to present day. Which probably could mean one thing: Stray thoughts:
Christmas has been great; Dad is here until the 4th, I’ve been watching k-dramas and movies during these past 2 weeks…! I’ve taken lots of pictures and even posted some of them. Everything is awesome… except for… the slump. I have not been able to finish a new book since I read Ari and Dante a month ago. (Except for “The Rest of Us Just Live Here”, but it was so meh that it does not even count… sorry.)
*By the way, guys? You should totally read Ari and Dante. It’s beautiful!*
Still, today I worked with my Goodreads shelves and loaded a couple of books to my Kindle. Let’s see if I can get out of this slump.
Also, did anyone watch the Sense8 Christmas special? That was AMAZING! And I can’t wait until May when I’ll probably binge watch the whole season in one sitting. I’m also anxiously waiting for season 4 of Sherlock and will probably watch it along with my friend. 🙂
If you’ve somehow read until the end of this post, thank you, and I hope you had a Merry Christmas. 🙂
I’m back. You didn’t expect to hear (or read, for that matter) from me so soon, did you? *winks* I’m pretty sure this post won’t be as messy as the last one.
I also forgot to acknowledge that my (second!!) blogging anniversary was this past August. This has been a wild ride and I can’t wait for what awaits us, my dear followers!
I have been thinking a lot about apologies and forgiveness lately. Sincere apologies are hard to come up with, unless you’re talking about me. (read my previous posts, for example. You’ll see most of them tagged with some sort of apology. 🙂 )
I apologize about literally everything, from sneezing to accidentally bumping with someone. It’s second nature to me. It’s a wonder I don’t apologize for breathing!
There were lots of times when I apologized for things that were either:
Outside my control
Part of who I am as a person
I have recently understood why I’m like this. It has to do with the fact that I always believed I was less than everyone else. Less smart, less clever, less funny. I felt like everyone had this chip or programming that helped them act on certain situations, and I didn’t. Others simply knew better and I had no choice but to follow. I did not understand why people acted in a certain way.
It was frustrating to always wonder why I was alone. This was why I felt like I did not deserve to have friends (or at least, that I had to come out of my usual behavior or way of thinking to have them.) I felt like I had to apologize for simply hanging out with them. Or stop being myself, in a way. More than one person has expressed their concern about this to me. Someone literally said they hated hearing the words “I’m sorry” from me.
And I got why. Eventually.
“Apologizing does not always mean you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means you value your relationship more than your ego.”
― Mark Matthews
This quote has much to do with my previous MO when it came to apologies (even though I hadn’t read it before researching for this post). I say previous, because these past few years, I’ve learned a LOT about myself. I’ve learned what I like and what I don’t. Most important of all, I’ve learned that I don’t like feeling like less than other people. And most of the time I valued relationships/friendships more than I valued myself! I did not realize how much I was hurting myself. Having to apologize frequently… it took a bit of myself every time I did it.
Don’t get me wrong, there are times when an apology is needed. When not apologizing makes you literally an asshole. The person who apologizes shouldn’t feel pressed by the one who will receive the apology, though. (By this, I mean: you can tell the person directly that you feel hurt by what they did… after explaining what they did. But the apology should come directly from that person.) The whole point of the apology is that it has to be genuine, sincere… and pushing someone to apologize would take that away from it. It would be wrong, in a way.
Still, an apology is always a good way to fix things, and it’s nice to know that a genuine one can help rebuild a relationship. 🙂
I am aware that this post might make me sound sort of selfish, but I’ve realized these things about myself along the way… and this blog is all about discovering myself. It’s interesting how, even being almost 21 years old, I keep discovering things I did not know, and somehow growing into a person I did not expect becoming… even though I sometimes realize I’m not as good a person as I thought before. Thanks for reading!
Any thoughts? Suggestions? The comments are open! 🙂
Welcome back to my blog! I’ve been deep into the study- and-KDrama-watching cave (If you follow me on Twitter, you should know that I’m basically obsessed with Moonlight Drawn by Clouds. Sorry to all of those who find it a bit lacking? I don’t! *is hopelessly in love with Park Bo Gum*). So that’s why I have not been here… since JULY. I’m here to basically procrastinate before studying for my statistics exam! On the bright side, you get to read about me…! I don’t think that is truly a bright side… but still… It’s so good you’re here!
PS. I’m aware there was a new post alert during the past week… I posted something by mistake and deleted it quite quickly 🙂
You might be wondering (probably not): What has Nat been up to these days?
The answer is… about everything and nothing all at once. I might have to divide this post in sub posts… If I don’t this might get messy. 🙂
I took my PCAT.
(I did tell you I was going to try to be an adult these months… I am turning 21 this November, you know) Remember how I said I would study a lot? And exercise a lot?
I only got to General Chemistry and worked from there. But my results were quite good! So I still haven’t lost my touch. (Except for Math.)
I should have written a post after taking the PCAT. It was honestly an experience. At first we couldn’t reach the place because our GPS wasn’t working. We got there 15 minutes before my friend’s testing window began. I had 15 more minutes to prepare… and then it was my turn. (We shall NOT talk about the picture they took of me. It was honestly awful).
Those next four hours are now pretty much a blur… but I remember being so anxious because I was running out of time at so many of the sections! TWO of the lectures on my Critical Reading section had to do with literature. That was nice, especially as they had to do with culture and what could be considered as a national literature. I was honestly so interested on that topic!
And then Math arrived. Those were pretty much the worst 45 minutes of my life… only overran by my first Pre-calculus 2 test on my freshman year. Oh, boy, was that a disaster. Although I could have done a bit worse? I have no idea.
My friend and I went to eat afterwards… and then arrived to a mass/baptism/wedding. -At first I thought it would be so long and I was so tired already…! But my romantic side came out quite quickly, the wedding was so cute, and seeing them be so excited about marrying? That made me so happy, even if I had no idea who they were. -We then got to my friend’s home and watched movies and Coffee Prince. It was nice. (And I cried with one of those movies. María, I know you’re reading this. I still hate you. :D)
So I’m now working on my application. (oh, well… I started it today. Happy?) I still have to ask two of my professors for letters of reference… and that scares me to no end. I mean, who should I ask? I don’t think any of my professors likes me enough to make a nice one for me. I’ll try, though. Maybe one of them can surprise me. I also have to write an essay! I need to see if my writing skills are up to par with what they are asking for! 🙂
Blackouts and funerals
There was this huge blackout in Puerto Rico. You MUST have heard about it on the news (or at least seen it somehow online?) It lasted about 2 days and a half and people either played Pokémon Go on the streets or watched the stars. They looked amazing! There are beautiful pictures people posted online because there wasn’t any light pollution. I basically used my family’s flashlight to reread The Assassin’s Blade and rest. (I had not rested at all during the PCAT weekend. I was exhausted).
The day after it started, I got the news: My aunt (she was my deceased aunt’s twin sister) had died that morning, and I hadn’t found out because we were all out of battery. So my dad called from Texas, and both my grandma and my aunt’s sister arrived at the same time. That was when I realized something was wrong. I literally started shaking, and my mom couldn’t stop crying. I think that moment will be stuck in my mind for the rest of my life… especially as it was only 4 days since my grandma’s death anniversary. My dad came home for a week, then, after I booked his tickets. It was nice, since he’ll come back again this Christmas. I mean, the circumstances were rough but there was a bright side to all of this.
So… basically, some things have changed, but a lot has stayed the same. I’m taking six classes this semester. (Please remind me of WHY I took this decision?) Some of them are easy, some of them are harder, but all of them take too much time from my hands! Time I could be using for blogging… (Who am I kidding? I would use it to be online, watching TV shows or reading.
I’m also still quite excited about my Instax camera! It feels like I’m creating these tangible memories when I take those pictures. I’m planning on decorating one of the walls of my room and fill it with instant photos. Be sure to follow me on Instagram to see if I follow through with that promise. 🙂
So here I am… listening to the Descendants of the Sun soundtrack and simply writing to procrastinate. I might have some more things to say quite soon, so please come back and check if I have posted my latest rant.
*runs towards all of you, screaming “I am NOT GONE yet!”*
Hello! Long time, no see… (Since Valentine’s Day! Whoa…) *wonders if people are still interested in my posts*
This semester was draining… but good results came from it, so that’s great! *smiles at my brand new GPA*
Summer has now arrived (finally, after finals were postponed a week because of my uni’s strike…*), and with it a sense of happiness and peace I hadn’t felt since forever. Incredibly, I have not finished any books (apart from one I read during finals but that one didn’t count), so if you have any suggestions as to what in the world I can do to get rid of this horrible reading slump, they are mostly welcome. A little more than a month ago I tweeted a poll (see below)
and I still have to keep my word. I’ll keep you posted on if I like Lady Midnight. I’ve been trying to listen to the audiobook… (trying being the main word. Perhaps it will work when I start working out this summer? Only time will tell)
Since I can’t read much because of the slump, I’ve been watching Korean dramas. My mother basically passed on her addiction to me. I’ve been also watching Les Interprètes, a Chinese drama, which is SO GOOD (and extremely addicting, so please do NOT do as I did and watch it slowly. Do not binge on 14 episodes in one day. It’s not healthy and you’ll run out of episodes soon.) I did not think I would enjoy something like this so much, but I love how it involves both languages in such a natural way!
A lot of things have also happened. My dad came here for 2 weeks… during which I was on my finals so I did not get to spend as much time as I wanted with him (boo…) BUT he did promise he would try to come here more often. I was not able to go to my brother’s graduation (Thanks, Developmental biology) BUT I did get a good grade on the class so it was (kind of) worth it.
In other words, I’m free, like Dobby (for the next 2 months, anyway), even though I plan on studying for the PCAT. *crosses fingers* I also have other plans for this summer… I hope I can do it all… (And keep this blog more updated, hopefully.)
*I guess that would have been a good topic for a blog post… but I did tweet about a lot of my thoughts… xD
P.S. Do you all like my new blog layout? I’m trying some things out. 🙂
Greetings, Earthlings (I’ve officially ran out of ways to greet you, guys. I need to brainstorm)
I haven’t seen you all since… my birthday, isn’t it?
The truth is… that not much has happened since then. This Christmas was bound to be kind of hard because of all the things that happened last year, but life goes on! *shrugs*. I did spend my whole break at home watching Netflix (I finished Buffy! That’s something! I’m still behind on House of Cards and Merlin, so shh with the spoilers!) and movies (like Star Wars. I still have to watch the original trilogy, Episodes VI and VII. I need TIME!). I didn’t read much, except for rereading the Shatter Me trilogy and the Throne of Glass books… I did go out with my friends on a hike. It was fun, but my legs hurt like crazy for the next week or so. Exercising this year is a MUST!
(When did WordPress create this collage thing, anyway? It is so cool!)
I guess the thing that changed the most was the fact that I decided to change my study (and general) habits for the better. I know, I know, I always say this. There’s always a start, and this is mine. I won’t take Physics this semester, but I’ll take Developmental Biology… which apparently is kind of hard? I’m hoping I can survive and live to tell the tale, like I always end up doing with you all, my dear followers. Hopefully I’ll get to blog more as I keep getting used to how life is happening.
Anyway, I have to go. Uni starts tomorrow, even though I’m in this huge denial pit.
These past few days I’ve been focused on Writing101, and it has been amazing, but I haven’t talked about what’s happening in my life since the beginning of the school year, or even before that…
I promise I will post my Writing101 prompt later today, but I had to write this. It’s important.
If you’ve followed my blog for a while, you know these months haven’t been easy for my family, ever since last December. Some months after we thought everything was over, one of my aunts informed us that my grandma had hidden the fact that she had an abscess in her abdominal area. She got surgery –I was around that day, but I didn’t write much about that… Her surgeon informed us that it could be cancerous, and that she needed to check herself just in case.
After her initial radiotherapy, we all thought it all was over… but then she started complaining about pain on her shoulder –I’m pretty sure you know what comes next on this tale. We all thought it was all due to the remains of the radiation on her body, but we were wrong, we were so wrong. Her doctor asked for a chest X-Ray, and they found something on her lungs. It had spread. That was last month.
Right now, she’s at the hospital. I found out she was taken after I got home from Uni yesterday. Seeing my dad go through this is heartbreaking, especially as he had to get a job in Texas and he has to leave on the 26th. –My heart is just praying nothing serious happens while he’s out there… but my mind knows that it’s highly probable. And I hate that.
I know I can’t be selfish… We can’t ask her to stay if she’s tired. I just want her to be in peace. She has gone through so much this past year…
This post was to vent as much as to inform people.
Please, go to the doctor. Please, go and get checked regularly, especially if you feel there’s something wrong. Please, ask your family to do so. If not for me, then for them. :’)