The feeling of home

Hi, everyone! I have been MIA for a while for various reasons- mainly because of hurricane Maria (and more recently, I haven’t had much time to do anything but study.) Still, I wanted to share this. I wrote it around 3 weeks after the hurricane hit.

Before you read it, just know I’m kind of in a better place emotionally now, since uni has been an amazing distraction. I’ll probably write more about that later- but for now, here’s this post.


I might have listened to Bridget Mendler’s ‘Hurricane’ more times than it is socially acceptable during and after a category 5 hurricane.

Okay, bear with me. You’ve more than certainly have heard about Maria’s passage through Puerto Rico during the past 3 weeks (?) Things were rough, they still are. And even I tend to forget that.

I lost my home’s roof in a category 5 hurricane and I forget that. How is that even possible? I have had more than a few thoughts about leaving.

Listening to the news and hearing about people crying while getting hot meals? Listening to the news and hearing people begging for water!

Puerto Rico’s economy was in a crisis, a bad one. And Maria made it even worse. A catastrophic hurricane hadn’t passed though my country in almost a century… and then we lived my grandmother’s stories about that hurricane that basically traumatized her.

I probably will remember those sounds for the rest of my life. The feeling that it wouldn’t ever end, that we were stuck on a loop.

Sometimes I wake up and think everything is normal until I see my surroundings and remember it’s not. That I don’t have a (physical) home anymore. And that sincerely sucks.

Category 5 hurricanes suck. And 3 weeks after that? Yep. Still does.

“At least we have milk”,
“at least we have gasoline”,
“at least we have ice”
“At least-” and we start comparing our situation to other people who are literally living without a roof or access to water, or food with no outside help whatsoever. I honestly hate this. I might -MIGHT- be okay, but this whole situation took a toll on me. And it has been almost a month, and some things have normalized, but I still have to enter my (former, destroyed) home- house to search for things I can salvage- several times. Honestly, seeing my room in such a state left me almost numb. I started looking for things almost methodically, without any feelings, until that was not possible at all.

I see the post-it’s from people who sent me messages- ruined. I see some of my books- the ones I couldn’t save- ruined.

And then I think- I should know I am lucky. My extended family lent us a house while we can rebuild. I have an apartment rented that’s basically intact, I am going to start classes again this week.

But still- intend to forget. I lost my home. And how do you go on from that? From the memories, from their childhood innocence that made you think things were better than they were?

I still don’t have the answer to these questions. I probably never will, but it’s nice to write these things.

I have cried a couple of times after Maria, for several situations but it mostly accounts for one thing: the loss of a feeling I probably won’t recover for a while: the sense of home.

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3 years into blogging: My graduation and the start of a new stage

A few notes before I start this post:

  • I started blogging 3 years ago! Can you believe it? (I most certainly can’t ) As I have told you before, I did not expect to be blogging for so long… but here I am. 🙂 I am sure 18/19 year old Nat wouldn’t imagine how nicely life is treating me right now… I’m happy. ❤

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  • I’m currently on a Twitter hiatus! This is why you have probably not seen me around for a while. I’m trying to concentrate on my studies and Twitter is literally a black hole I could stay in for hours. *shrugs* 

 

Hello, everyone that is still somehow following me! I am still alive after my first few weeks in pharmacy school! That is an accomplishment, right? This post will probably be full of pictures… Are you ready for it? (Yes, I’m writing this post while listening to the new Taylor single. I’m a Swiftie. Keep up!)

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Let’s see… Some huge events in my life that should get their own post, but since I’m short in time, here we are!

  • finally  graduated! Somehow I survived everything… And even though graduations are supposed to be boring with protocol and such, it was so much fun (even though my best friends did not attend *narrows eyes*)

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  • Literally as soon as I graduated, I went directly to the apartment where I’m staying while I’m studying, so I did not have much time to think. The day after my graduation, I went to my first day of orientations at my new uni. That was both cool and scary.
  • That first week, I had my white coat ceremony. Simply getting to wear that coat for the first time as a student pharmacist is a moment I will always cherish. (And the fact that my best friend was there to see it all made it all worth it. ❤ )

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A few notes on my experiences in pharmacy school so far:

  • I have not taken any exams (yet), but they’re getting closer, and I have been studying along with my roommates so I can survive. (My first exam’s from biochemistry, so I’m crossing my fingers!)
  • My professors are from different parts of the world and I’m loving that… even though understanding their accents was hard at first. (Still working on some of them… I will succeed at understanding them all! You’ll see!Resultado de imagen para buffy gifs
  • love my class. Everyone just wants to help each other pass and have fun along the way. I really hope we become really close. ❤

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  • As for my experience staying away from home, it has definitely been better than expected. I love my roommates and our dynamic. ❤ (Even though… uh… our bathroom roof (plaster?) fell last week. And that same day there was a blackout. That’s life, I guess *shrugs*)
  • As for my reading, I’m around 25% done with Our Dark Duet by Victoria Schwab and I’m loving it. ❤

These: the good, the fun, the bad, the ugly, are experiences that I will never forget. I sincerely love this stage of my life, and the people I’m sharing it with.

Somehow, I’m back. *waves*

 

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When was the last time I posted? *checks*

Uh-oh. I can’t believe you’re still following me after my inactivity these past months! Still- I’m back! And I even changed my About page a bit *winks along with the hint*


The possible strike I mentioned in this post? Yep, it happened. And that’s why I took my last final last week. In JULY. Writing July on my class notes and exams was a surreal experience to say the least 🤗 but we survived… and my last grades were worth it. Even though I didn’t have to finish my degree to start classes in August.

It’s also why I’m graduating(!!!) in August instead of June, when we were still taking classes to catch up. My graduation is also the night before my orientations start at my new uni- so watch me try not to fall asleep the next day. I’ll try and keep you informed. 😂

I didn’t do much but read and watch TV shows during those 2 months I was at home -I even caught up with my Goodreads challenge… only to lose my winning streak when Uni started again. *shrugs* Let’s see if I can at least catch up during the next 3 weeks :3 I guess I should have caught up with my blogging as well, but it was my procrastinating self’s (read: my) fault.

I also decided on an apartment to live in for the next year while I study and met my two roommates. I have high hopes, people! I think it will be an Experience… even though I am honestly scared to death. I’ll really try to keep in touch the next months as I get used to the place and to being in a graduate school, living away from home… and to being called a student pharmacist. (eeeep!)

Stress… interviews and BEST VALENTINE’S DAY EVER

Hello, everyone! It has been a while (I always say this, but it’s true.)

Well, this post will be (kinda) long and divided into several parts. It was a long period of time since I posted, and I do want to catch up with everything that happened (Or at least some of it!)

(I do have awesome news at the end of the post )


January: The month when I kind of realized I’m graduating.

January passed without major events in my life. Uni started quite late, so I don’t have much to tell about it, except for the fact that…

I. Started. My. Last. Semester. As. An. UNDERGRAD. aka I’m GRADUATING THIS JUNE.

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**The actual date for graduation might vary because of strikes and stuff, but… it’s happening 🙂

I still can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe I applied for graduation! (I won’t be able to believe it even when I graduate!)

Okay, apart from this, January was uneventful. I spent the month quite anxious because I finished my Pharmcas application in December and I was waiting for an answer. Or at least the link for my supplemental application. The link arrived with January, and that was that! I told myself I was not expecting anything, I was just trying for the sake of trying. (I still checked my email everyday even when my phone got push notifications for every email) The end of January arrived along with news that one of my friends got an interview for the school I had applied to (Yes, school. As in ONE pharm school) and, even though I knew for a fact that he had applied at least a month before I did… I started losing hope (the small amount of hope I had allowed myself to feel).

February: “Whoa, is this really happening?”

February, the month of love, and valentines and the full expression of capitalism 🤣  arrived… and I tried to stop thinking about grad school. I am only taking three classes this semester and I had to at least try to make it count! Six days along, I was minding my own business… and I got it. An email for an interview.

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**My reaction went along somewhat like this.**

Still. The interview was three days after… and I was not prepared at all.

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I went to the mall, bought an outfit, read A LOT about interviews for college and how they went (along with info about my specific program) and I was as ready as I could be! So, fast forward three days later… I was on my way to my (hopefully) future university with my mom and my phone’s GPS.

We got there 2. Hours. Earlier, expecting to be able to park close to the building and wait. That was not possible… So the guard let me enter the building and I got to the office. (They were really nice but I was dreading the long wait). When I entered the office, there were two girls (women? Do I start saying women on this case? I still don’t feel like a woman O.o) . The point is… they looked professional. Ready to be interviewed and being successful in the future. I did NOT feel like that, so I just prayed that my interviewers were nice enough to a person who did not feel as qualified.

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The secretaries told a group of Pharmacy students to give me a tour, and I went along with them and asked them the questions I did not dared to ask during the Open House last June. (“Do I really have to buy an iPad?” Yes. “Do I have to wear a professional outfit all the time?” No, scrubs will do.) They were so nice (probably because they needed the points for a class they were taking, but they helped calm my stress so I appreciate it a lot). In the end they simply told me to go with the flow of the interview and that I would be fine. I went back to the office, met with the women who were going to be interviewed, and waited to be called. The secretary checked my transcripts and my data, told me everything was clear, and that was that.

The time of my interview finally arrived. To be honest, those 45 minutes were mostly a blur. I do remember them asking about my motivations (tricky question), about what defined me as a person and what frustrated people about me. (That one was particularly hard to answer.) They said to wait 3-4 weeks for a decision… and that was that. I got out, not entirely confident about what I had said, but really happy that they had been so nice and had listened to everything I said. My mom told me that even if buy any chance they didn’t accept me, I had a good experience. I would go through everything again. I felt comfortable, even after that stressful experience. 🙂

My friend had told me he received an answer days after his interview. I did not expect my situation to be the same. He does have better credentials (and GPA) than I do. I was willing to wait three weeks, after which I would probably start the process again. (And probably taking other exams to up my probabilites)

I woke up in Valentine’s Day particularly happy, for some reason. A lot of people asked me why I was so perky, and I really did not know. I mean… I was as single as the rest of the year. Perhaps it was the possibility of getting chocolate?

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I spent the day with my friends, had lots of fun (and candy. Lots of candy.) And my Physics class arrived along with the news that we would take a home test. (That was reason enough to be happy, right?)

And then I got it. THE email. I literally got out of my classroom with my phone, ran and tried to call my parents. They. Did. Not. Answer. I was literally shaking and almost cried. I told my friend… I was out of the classroom for about 15 minutes while I calmed down. I probably won’t ever forget Valentine’s Day. It will be impossible to forget the day when my life changed.

Well… these are the news I have for you. Somehow, I am enough. And I still don’t believe it. (And I probably won’t until I get there.) I will try to keep you informed of all the steps I have to take from now on.

I’m proud to officially announce I’m in the NSU College of Pharmacy, Class of 2021. GO SHARKS!

Bye bye, 2016.

2016, a year for the books, right? I’ve been thinking a lot about what to write… and now that we’re two hours away from saying goodbye (here in Puerto Rico, as I’m writing this), I guess it’s time to think about what happened to me during this… eventful year. Shall we?

This will be sort of a numbered post since I don’t have much time… 😀

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  1. First sleepover: Some of you will roll your eyes to the back of your head with this… but this was a milestone for me. Being invited let alone the fact that I was allowed to go? That was huge for me. That was one of the best nights of my life. I’m so glad it happened.
  2. PCAT: I took it. I survived. And I’m currently waiting after I submitted an application to a pharmacy school. Is this scary or what? That was also the time of my second sleepover. Will there be a time where I stop counting them?Resultado de imagen para grinning gif
  3. Time to get my GPA up! And it did. It totally did and now I’m finally competitive enough for at least a chance. I’m so happy… even though might not be enough, I’m still up for a fight.Resultado de imagen para fight gif
  4. Turning 21: It was not as exciting as how many people experience. Probably because I don’t drink? But it was still a milestone. And what made it a happy day for me was that my friends actually remembered and made it special.Resultado de imagen para aww gif
  5. And as for the sad part, more death in my family. I still have no clue why this all keeps happening… but it did. Again. And the distance between my extended family and I feels kind of unsurmountable right now. Let’s hope for new beginnings next year? Resultado de imagen para skeptical gif
  6. (NOT) finishing my goal amount of books? I accepted some months ago that I wouldn’t make it this year. These past semesters were kind of brutal… I am lucky I could finish SOME books… I’m hoping this perpetual slump could end ANY minute now…Resultado de imagen para sigh gif
  7. Becoming obsessed with k-Dramas. It was bound to happen. *shrugs* I can’t imagine myself without them now.Resultado de imagen para goblin kdrama gif
  8. Speaking of obsessions…

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I wanted to say something else, too, before the year ends. I missed lots of things, things I could have blogged about… and I did not. I could say I did my best for my blog, but I didn’t. I am not going to promise to post more. It would be pointless… But I’m still going to try. I deserve it, and you deserve it too. 2017 is so important, you see. I FINALLY graduate during next year! And whatever happens… I want to share this next stage with you all. Like I said, I’m going to try. Let’s see how it goes.

Signing off for the year;

Nat.

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P.S. 2016 IS FINALLY OVER, BITCHES!!!

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Catching Up! :)

It’s been a while, WordPress. I’ll refrain from apologizing… maybe read my last post (if you are wondering why) 🙂

Still, I did not post during certain important days and that’s kinda sad. Last semester was full of work… I did tell you that I was taking an unusually big amount of classes -BUT I SURVIVED!yy2

Let the catching up begin!  


I still haven’t quite recovered… although my grades were something else! (I mean… for a semester when so much happened to me) I still have no clue as to how that was possible, but I’m thankful. I’m so, so thankful. I also missed posting on my birthday (my 21st birthday…) which I spent at uni taking classes… and since my brother was sick, I couldn’t do much but eat pizza that night. (Needless to say, pizza was more than enough for me)

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But it was definitely okay… my friends were there and they did not forget and it was a really nice day. I had a happy birthday… even when I had to take biochemistry.

Apart from my birthday, though, November was FULL. OF. WORK. Like… I did not think it would all end, until it somehow did.

In the spirit of wrapping up this semester  (and forgetting that it ever happened). (yeah, right), a class by class round up:

  • Biochemistry- taking it was… interesting. Basically full of self-study… since… well… I didn’t understand anything while taking it. 😀 My professor gave me a letter of reference, though, which was definitely awesome. 🙂 (Also full of memes and gifs my friends and I sent to each other while taking it xD)
  • Statistics- This gif will suffice. There was no time for this and I studied the day before for all my tests.

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  • Economics-

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My professor was sick and he was absent basically all semester so he only sent us two projects. Life. 

  • Life cycle seminar: “The professor you chose will not give you your class! The hardest one will!” “Let’s get all into groups to talk about how our cousins and aunts and parents somehow relate to the topic that we’re covering!” “Let’s do a portfolio about health service centers that’s worth 45% of your class grade!” “Let’s not forget about sending your professor your project at the wrong email and finding out an hour later!” Don’t ask me how, but it all worked out in the end. I still don’t know what happened.
  • Conversational English- Incredibly… It was my favorite class this semester. I was so worried about the presentations and the dialogues and I was regretting choosing it from day 1, until I met my professor and my group. It was our safe space this semester… no judgement, and everyone was so kind to one another! If I could take it again I would in a heartbeat. 🙂
  • Developmental Psychology- I was so confident I would get an A at first… and then the second and third exams happened. xD I spent hours  working on that final project, and it all somehow worked out in the end. *basically cries with relief*

Aaaaaand, the round-up is over! Which means where back to present day. Which probably could mean one thing: Stray thoughts:

Christmas has been great; Dad is here until the 4th, I’ve been watching k-dramas and movies during these past 2 weeks…! I’ve taken lots of pictures and even posted some of them. Everything is awesome… except for… the slumpI have not been able to finish a new book since I read Ari and Dante a month ago. (Except for “The Rest of Us Just Live Here”, but it was so meh that it does not even count… sorry.)

*By the way, guys? You should totally read Ari and Dante. It’s beautiful!*

Still, today I worked with my Goodreads shelves and loaded a couple of books to my Kindle. Let’s see if I can get out of this slump.

Also, did anyone watch the Sense8 Christmas special? That was AMAZING! And I can’t wait until May when I’ll probably binge watch the whole season in one sitting. I’m also anxiously waiting for season 4 of Sherlock and will probably watch it along with my friend. 🙂

If you’ve somehow read until the end of this post, thank you, and I hope you had a Merry Christmas. 🙂

… *Sings* And a Happy New Year!

Apologies.

Greetings. *dances my way into your Reader*

I’m back. You didn’t expect to hear (or read, for that matter) from me so soon, did you? *winks* I’m pretty sure this post won’t be as messy as the last one.

I also forgot to acknowledge that my (second!!) blogging anniversary was this past August. This has been a wild ride and I can’t wait for what awaits us, my dear followers!


I have been thinking a lot about apologies and forgiveness lately. Sincere apologies are hard to come up with, unless you’re talking about me. (read my previous posts, for example. You’ll see most of them tagged with some sort of apology. 🙂 )

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Me, 99.9% of the time.

I apologize about literally everything, from sneezing to accidentally bumping with someone. It’s second nature to me. It’s a wonder I don’t apologize for breathing!

There were lots of times when I apologized for things that were either:

  1. Outside my control
  2. Part of who I am as a person

I have recently understood why I’m like this. It has to do with the fact that I always believed I was less than everyone else. Less smart, less clever, less funny. I felt like everyone had this chip or programming that helped them act on certain situations, and I didn’t. Others simply knew better and I had no choice but to follow. I did not understand why people acted in a certain way.

It was frustrating to always wonder why I was alone. This was why I felt like I did not deserve to have friends (or at least, that I had to come out of my usual behavior or way of thinking to have them.) I felt like I had to apologize for simply hanging out with them. Or stop being myself, in a way. More than one person has expressed their concern about this to me. Someone literally said they hated hearing the words “I’m sorry” from me.

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their reaction when I immediately apologized for apologizing too much

And I got why. Eventually.

“Apologizing does not always mean you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means you value your relationship more than your ego.”
― Mark Matthews

This quote has much to do with my previous MO when it came to apologies (even though I hadn’t read it before researching for this post). I say previous, because these past few years, I’ve learned a LOT about myself. I’ve learned what I like and what I don’t. Most important of all, I’ve learned that I don’t like feeling like less than other people. And most of the time I valued relationships/friendships more than I valued myself! I did not realize how much I was hurting myself. Having to apologize frequently… it took a bit of myself every time I did it.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times when an apology is needed. When not apologizing makes you literally an asshole. The person who apologizes shouldn’t feel pressed by the one who will receive the apology, though. (By this, I mean: you can tell the person directly that you feel hurt by what they did… after explaining what they did. But the apology should come directly from that person.) The whole point of the apology is that it has to be genuine, sincere… and pushing someone to apologize would take that away from it. It would be wrong, in a way.

Still, an apology is always a good way to fix things, and it’s nice to know that a genuine one can help rebuild a relationship. 🙂


I am aware that this post might make me sound sort of selfish, but I’ve realized these things about myself along the way… and this blog is all about discovering myself. It’s interesting how, even being almost 21 years old, I keep discovering things I did not know, and somehow growing into a person I did not expect becoming… even though I sometimes realize I’m not as good a person as I thought before. Thanks for reading! 

Any thoughts? Suggestions? The comments are open! 🙂