For a person who doesn’t know romantic love at all I surely write a lot about it… I tried to prepare myself to write this with my romantic playlist.
But then again, it’s Valentine’s Day! My Uni’s celebration was last Thursday, so everyone had it in mind –including my professors. You could feel the love in the air… or at least the smell of the roses and chocolate people were giving each other because they think they are in love.
My professor said something about this. Being in love isn’t the same thing than actually loving someone. Loving is a choice. You will eventually lose those neurotransmitters that made you attracted to the person in the first place. You will need to find tangible reasons to stay with them, and consciously decide to do it.
“I fell in love with him. But I don’t just stay with him by default as if there’s no one else available to me. I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me.”
― Veronica Roth, Allegiant
Incredibly, that was not the first time this week I heard something like this. I had a conversation with someone that made me think about this… someone who said had always believed marriage was forever, but does not think so anymore. Marriage is hard, and it’s not only about love, but an actual compromise. It’s about being the person’s best friend, about never letting go, even if sometimes you might think you want to.**
**Not talking about abuse here (emotional or physical). Health is more important than having a partner who doesn’t appreciate you. Just wanted to make this clear. I was just talking about the times when you might think nothing is left but being next to each other for the rest of your lives.
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
I have always thought serious conversations must be had in early stages of the relationship, unless you want a deal-breaker event to suddenly appear just before getting married or even after. For example, I don’t think I will ever want children of my own. (Not because I don’t like children in general, I just don’t believe I will be good for them). That’s something I will have to talk over with my future partner… and make some accords with him, just as there will be things about him that we’ll have to talk about. And that’s okay… nothing and no one is perfect and will ever be.
“You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.”
― Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper
I don’t ever want to become one of these people who don’t believe love is not real, because deep in my heart, I know it is. (even if some of the time, I am also this person)
I believe in hard work, in showing with actions how much you actually love them. Don’t get me wrong –roses and chocolates are definitely nice, but when it becomes a mindless exercise, when you don’t give the actual giving part much thought, that becomes the problem. I have always believed Valentine’s Day is meaningless if you don’t show the person you love how much you love them during the other 364 –sorry, 365 on this year –days of the year. Be it with some help, with a kiss, with a hug, with some words written on a card (or even a funny video!), don’t stop making the choice of being in love with the person next to you. Believe me, coming from a person who has never gone through any of it, you’re experiencing a true blessing.
Science, Books and Silly Things 