This hasn’t been an easy year.

These past few days I’ve been focused on Writing101and it has been amazing, but I haven’t talked about what’s happening in my life since the beginning of the school year, or even before that…

I promise I will post my Writing101 prompt later today, but I had to write this. It’s important.

If you’ve followed my blog for a while, you know these months haven’t been easy for my family, ever since last December. Some months after we thought everything was over, one of my aunts informed us that my grandma had hidden the fact that she had an abscess in her abdominal area. She got surgery –I was around that day, but I didn’t write much about that… Her surgeon informed us that it could be cancerous, and that she needed to check herself just in case.

After her initial radiotherapy, we all thought it all was over… but then she started complaining about pain on her shoulder I’m pretty sure you know what comes next on this tale. We all thought it was all due to the remains of the radiation on her body, but we were wrong, we were so wrong. Her doctor asked for a chest X-Ray, and they found something on her lungs. It had spread. That was last month.

Right now, she’s at the hospital. I found out she was taken after I got home from Uni yesterday. Seeing my dad go through this is heartbreaking, especially as he had to get a job in Texas and he has to leave on the 26th. My heart is just praying nothing serious happens while he’s out there… but my mind knows that it’s highly probable. And I hate that.

I know I can’t be selfish… We can’t ask her to stay if she’s tired. I just want her to be in peace. She has gone through so much this past year…

This post was to vent as much as to inform people.

Please, go to the doctor. Please, go and get checked regularly, especially if you feel there’s something wrong. Please, ask your family to do so. If not for me, then for them. :’)

I wish I was Peter Pan.

Why does growing up and opening my eyes hurt this much? I wish I didn’t find out about certain things.

I guess sometimes it feels better to stay in the dark.

PS. I’m okay. I just didn’t know certain things were happening (or not happening, whatever)

Relationships and Desirability (aka “Maybe I’m the problem?”)

I have already written about this, but I don’t care.

Hello, everyone. May I direct you to a previous post that has a lot to do with what I feel right now? Things haven’t changed at all since that day, so yeah…

Don’t get me wrong. I can see the perks of being single, and I am enjoying some of them, the sense of freedom, you know. I just have a lot of trouble feeling like I could be… what’s the word? Oh, yes, desirable. That someone could be with me because they actually like me. Like I said in the post I linked earlier, I have not fallen in love… yet, and although I have had a few offers (Yes, I’m using this word purposefully) to be in a relationship, I don’t feel they’re serious. (Besides, there’s always the “you like me, I like someone else” situation. I have talked about this with my mom. She seems to agree.) That has happened to me a few times, and I have had a hard time believing I could ever be in a relationship.

My friends don’t believe I’ve never been in a relationship before. My lab partner recently even used the word “gorgeous” to describe me. It’s not that I don’t believe her, it’s just that my whole life, people have never noticed me the way I want to be noticed. I was the bookworm, the one that always spent her time alone at the library because people did not understand how much I loved books.

When my brother was talking to us about his experience with relationships, (yes, my “little” brother) my mom talked about how people his age tend to play with the idea of love. I told my mother I didn’t go through that stage, and she said I did. That there was this person I could have been with in high school and he could have thought I wasn’t the one because of which books I liked and how we fought. (yes, we tended to fight, and I actually remember liking it.) Who knows? Maybe we were meant to be, but I can’t keep thinking about the past. Keep moving forward, and all that.

Recently, in college, things changed somehow, but basically stayed the same. I found people like me, but I still felt like an outcast. I have found people that understand, which is nice, but I haven’t found that person. The person that want to be with physically and emotionally, while he wants to be with me, too. I don’t know. Maybe I have to keep waiting? I have zero experience with this. I don’t like not knowing. It has been way too long…!

Who knows? Maybe, as I’m writing this, there’s someone thinking about me. Someone I haven’t even considered yet. Let’s hope. Let’s believe the future can be better! (Or that I can start enjoying to be single. Whichever comes first.)

New Year’s Resolutions

So, 2014 is coming to an end and -of course -there are personal resolutions that are going to be worked with. I will not post them, or say them aloud because -something like wishes- they might not come true if I say them. I want to be able to work with them myself. I will probably write them in a whiteboard I have in my room to motivate myself.

Resolutions are important, but actually achieving them is hard. If you don’t, your resolution is actually somewhat of a wish. 🙂 You can’t just say “I’ll ______ in this New Year.” (Insert “lose weight”, “gain money”, “get a boyfriend/girlfriend” in the blank.)

You actually have to work with it. If people start pressuring you and you don’t like that, then don’t share them. If you need that kind of positive pressure, do so. It all depends on how you work with it. In my case, it’s better to do it quietly.

I do have some resolutions for my blog, since I want it to grow more than it has. It’s my favorite thing to do, and it has helped me concentrate more on the details.

  • I’m thinking of posting quotes once a week in my blog, just in case I’m too busy and can’t blog. (Because let’s be honest: College is demanding.)
  • I’m also still asking for guest bloggers, if you want to do it, please contact me! I’m also available to write a blog post if you need me. I love doing those!
  • I also want to go out more and blog about it, post pictures, show you a bit more about the things around me!
  • I plan to blog about books sometime around the future as well, if time is on my side. (Wish me luck on this one xD)

This blog is to share my life with you all and to learn from you! Thank you for following, and I hope you keep joining me in the adventure that is my life. xD

I love you all! ❤ Happy New Year!!

Friendship and participation (?)

This is definitely not one of my usual posts… I just needed to vent a bit, you know…

This is weird.

I started out this blog to push myself to participate further in life, and I have tried. But I don’t know… maybe I am not meant to have nice friendships or a social life. I have never had a healthy friendship. I don’t seem to know how.

Friendship has always seemed this foreign concept for me. No one has ever felt that burning compulsion to tell me anything about their life. (Apart from family). I have felt it, with several people, but they always seem to find someone better. Someone smarter, funnier, and with better possibilities, I guess. I guess what I’m trying to say is that… Wasn’t college meant to be better?

I mean, I am definitely not alone in life. I have friends, but no one considers me their best friend, and that has been something that has hurt me for a while now. I know I should get over that soon, but I can’t. Not while I have Facebook, or see their Instagram pictures of things they do while I am not there.
I am a natural sciences student, and I know that requires time but even my classmates (and former friends) find out ways to interact with each other. *shrugs* I wish I was a part of that.

Love: My inexperience in that matter.

One of the things I have thought about the most throughout my life is the fact that I have never truly fallen in love. I mean, I have had crushes, yes, but I realize I am afraid of attaching myself to a person in that magnitude. I definitely wish I could get over that fear, especially as I’m getting older.

I don’t know if I should say this in my blog, but I’ve never been in a relationship. In fact, I’ve never even kissed anyone. I crave that kind of closeness, and I don’t know how to achieve it. People around me are all outgoing, believing in themselves, throwing themselves out there in the best possible way, and yet I’m stuck. I don’t know how to accept myself with all my flaws.

How can I accept someone else?
How can anyone accept me?

These are some of my thoughts, and my main reasons to be afraid.
I certainly wish I can one day fall in love, and realize it was as beautiful as I have always believed. I have read lots of books about love, read about hundreds of people falling in love, out of love and their reasons to do so. Then again, they’re fictional. Love is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world, and I want to live it for myself. I think I deserve it.

If I Stay: How life (and death) sometimes get in the way

Recently I jumped into the bandwagon and read If I Stay and Where She Went by Gayle Forman. I plan on watching the movie this weekend with my mom, who read the first one before I did. (It was really weird that mom read a YA, but that’s a whole other story) I was really touched by how Forman handled the whole situation, especially as someone that was close to me once had a similar situation. The girl I knew died a few days after the accident, and it united all the people she met throughout her life.


My point is, that girl had her whole life in front of her, and lost everything in a second. I hadn’t even thought of her in years until my friends told me she was in a critical state at the hospital. We all prayed for a miracle, but I guess she was meant to leave our lives this way. It hurts, though, and we’ll never forget her.

I guess we’ll never know if that girl went through the same thing Mia did. Maybe she was able to decide, or maybe not. This book made me wonder how I would act if that same thing happened to me. I think family is very important, and losing it all at once was a horrible moment for the main character. I don’t think I would be able to handle it. I love them too much. I don’t think they would want me to give up if I had the choice, though, so I guess that is a decision that would have to be made in the moment.

This post is not a review, although I loved both of the books because of how real Mia and Adam’s relationship was, and how it just makes you think. Life is really short, so we cannot waste it in any way. Life has a funny way of messing everything up, you know. It is up to us to get up and move on, while we still can.

Hello, world.

Hello, this is Nat. I’m studying Human Biology and this blog post is being written during the few free minutes I have between college, my family and.. well… my reading time.

I wanted to create a BookTube account, but who am I kidding? I do not have the time or the energy to become a vlogger, even if I really desire to do it.

So this is it, my book/life blog, in which I will start expressing my thoughts on science, books and silly things. (See what I did there?). I am aspiring to try new things and get out my bubble bit by bit, and I’m sure a blog will help me to start actually living my life. (I also need to perfect my use of English if I want to go on an internship next summer.)

So yeah, this blog will be about different things. (Mostly about books, as they are my life), but other aspects of my life as well. I want to keep track of what I’m becoming, and to have a record I can visit when I’m doubtful of my choices and my future.

I will also try to post as much as I possibly can, as I do have other responsibilities. (As Organic Chemistry this year.)

I guess I could tell you more things about me, but that’s what this blog is for. We’ll learn to know each other, one blog post at a time. That’s if you want to keep reading, I guess.

See you on my next post!

Me and my friend Bones.
Me and my friend Bones.