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Dear Friend: An Assignment.

fearlesslynat27 Comments

Today’s assignment is to write to my dream reader.

This post should also include a new to me element, so I will have to work on that. This has been hard for me, since I haven’t been heard a lot, and I haven’t even considered that someone would want to.

Who’s my dream reader? I am pretty sure that I want someone to truly listen, so that is my goal.

Most bloggers want publishers to approach them… but I am not sure if I want that. My dream audience is one that will interact with me. I want a community, and something really close to friendship. That is who my dream reader is: a friend. So. What would I write to a friend? Maybe a letter? Yes. I can try that.

Dear friend:

You are my dream reader. (You might laugh sarcastically because… why, of all the people in the world, would I want to write something for you.) It’s because I’ve never had a true friend before. The kind of person that would want to hear what I want to say, that would understand when I say I can’t go out. I wouldn’t have to make any excuses, and I wouldn’t be left out from your group. You. You are that person, that future person that actually cares. (Apart from my family, of course)

I do care about you. I don’t want you to assume I have a different sexual orientation (even if there’s nothing wrong with that) because I have been single for way too long. I don’t want you to stop talking when I talk about uncomfortable topics, and want you to understand when I stay silent because I want to listen to what you want to say.

I don’t want you to be mad at me when I act the way you act around other people, and am friendlier to them because I feel lonely. Because I have been feeling lonely. A lot. I want you to know how lonely it is to be me. To think there’s something wrong with me because I can’t interact well with people. To hide behind books (Because that’s what people think I do), because I can’t stand to be alone for so long. I have lived all my life like this. Thinking I have finally found someone who understands me, and then lose them.

I don’t think you know this. I hope you know how much I will appreciate your friendship, how long I have been waiting for friendship, and how insecure I will feel every time there’s a situation that threatens it. I will probably pull away because it will hurt more otherwise. I want you to know that.

In case you get to read this someday, friend, I want you to know: I love you. Thank you for existing, and I hope I get to find you someday soon.

Hugs,

Natalie.

27 thoughts on “Dear Friend: An Assignment.”

  2. Oh Nat, a lovely letter. I think we have all felt that way at times wnd I can certainly relate to many of those feelings. I can tell you that as you get older, you find your true friends, the ones who will stick by you, who will let you just BE when you need that, but who are right there for you as well. It is 100% a two-way street, and can be hard work, but true friendship is the most rewarding thing. I have two people who I count as my truest friends and I know that I will always have them. I lost two friends last year through betrayal, hurt and jealousy. I count my two BFFs 😉 as blessings in my life.
    A beautiful response to today’s brief, heartfelt and well-written.
    X

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