Owning myself.

“You’re stronger than you believe. Don’t let your fear own you. Own yourself.”

This is a quote from one of my favorite trilogies (The Mara Dyer trilogy by Michelle Hodkin. You should read it, by the way) and I am trying to live up to it, even if that quote was written for a specific situation.

Sometimes I ask myself:

“What does owning myself even mean?”

Does it mean questioning all authority and constantly fighting the system? Or does it mean something deeper, like realizing how much pressure we put into everyone’s opinion of our actions? Fear can be paralyzing, and anxiety can take you to really dark places. I have been witness of how it can nearly ruin your life. However, that person could step up her game and take control of her life. This is not easy, as fear of failure is always a presence in our lives.

In my case, I am afraid of many things. I am very afraid of being alone. One would think that I could have learned my lesson many years ago, but growing up has surprisingly taken that independence away from me. That is scary as hell, as you can imagine. Now that I’m (technically) an adult, I’m expected to do things by myself and to analyze every situation. Honestly, I still don’t know what exactly I’m going to do with my life.

This doesn’t mean I’m not doing something about this. Actually, bit by bit I’m trying to open myself, even if people are not noticing it yet. I’m trying to leave the old Nat behind, hoping my good qualities will stay with me. I’m trying to embrace change. I have always thought I could handle change easily, but I hold on to certain parts of my past that can’t be fixed and I have to leave behind. Owning myself sometimes means letting go.

Owning oneself can mean different things depending on the situation. One thing is certain: giving up is not an option.


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